That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
