Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
