Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
