make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize