About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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