Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
