i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Text me some of your sweat
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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