I have demons in me.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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