Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
