You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
