I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
