i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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