she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I didn't notice because vodka
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
