My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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