Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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