Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
