I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize