I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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