got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
