omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
