It's Friday. Sex?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
