It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
