I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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