so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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