You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
