I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
