I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
