if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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