Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
