I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
