There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
