I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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