i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Drunk is not a location!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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