so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
