We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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