i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
