if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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