why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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