I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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