So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
