i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
