Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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