Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
