you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
