Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
