office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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