You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
