just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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