You're completely useless in the revolution.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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