So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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