put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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