bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
