Soap is not a condiment
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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