I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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