Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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