On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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