evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
