I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
