I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
