it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
