Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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