Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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