if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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