I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize