yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
