one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
