He is an equal opportunity slut.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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