sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
