It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
not ubering you a puppy
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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