Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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