I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
