Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
