I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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