Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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