I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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