four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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